This is another essay that I wrote, a personal favorite of mine, and I wanted to share it with you all.
————————————————————————————-

I closed my eyes, and the noise around me was muted. I could feel the anaesthetics reaching all the parts of my body, numbing me from the pain that was about to come. There was no sound, apart from the beats of my heart. It was quiet, and that scared me. Being raised in New York by a family of musicians, I was accustomed to hearing noise constantly. Silence was unfamiliar to me, and unfamiliar things are frightening.

“Do not be afraid,” a voice said, “I am with you.”

I looked around, but all I saw was black.

“Where are you?” I asked the voice. “And who are you?”

“I am by your side,” the voice responded. I looked left and right, but nobody was there. The voice chuckled.

“I am by your side,” it repeated. “You may not always see me, but I am always there.”

I was confused, but then it hit me, “God?”

The voice chucked again. “No child, I am not God. Similar, but not God. No Deirdre, I am your Guardian Angel.”

A man appeared by my side, dressed in a white suit, and wearing a grin on his face. I looked behind him.

“Where are your wings?” I asked him. “Aren’t angels supposed to have wings?”

The man sighed. Those Renaissance artists, thinking that we had wings, and spreading the idea to other mortal minds. No, angels do not have wings. Wings are for birds.”

I looked him over, confused to why he was only coming to me now.

“Why are you here?” I asked my Angel. “Why didn’t you come to me when I needed you?”

“I am here all the time. You did not seek for my counselling, therefor I could not do anything for you.” He replied.

“I didn’t know I had a Guardian Angel, how was I supposed to ‘seek for counselling’?”

“Deirdre, everybody has a Guardian Angel, and contrary to what you believe, you need my now than ever before.”

I looked at him, confused to what he meant. He clapped his hands, and said: “Now, let’s focus on the task at hand.”

He made two chairs appear, and we both sat down on them.

“I am not going to ask you why you made the cuts on your arm, because I know why,” he said, gesturing his head to my left arm. “But I will tell you what has happened. After your attempt, you were found by your mother, and then rushed to the hospital. The surgeons outside messed up the surgery, and you were put into an eight-week coma. Whenever a person is put in a coma, they enter their subconscious, and are given two choices: to either wake up, and continue to live, or to fall into a deeper sleep, and never return to the outside world. My job, is to help you make the right decision.” He explained.

I looked at him. “I did what I did because I wanted to die, not to have to make the decision again and listen to you.”

“That’s where you’re wrong Deirdre,” my Angel said. “You did what you did because you were scared.”

I looked at him with fear and confusion, not understanding what he meant, but fearing that he could be right.

“You come from a family full of performers, and you wanted to be like them. You went off, and learnt how to play every instrument that you could get your hands on. Unfortunately, at your audition for Julliard, you had a panic attack, and failed. You were afraid that you weren’t good enough, and that there wouldn’t be any music in your life. Deirdre, you are afraid of silence.”

I was quiet, and let him continue.

“But what you don’t understand is that there is a beauty is quiet places,” he said. “Take now for example: you were numbed into silence, and now you’re talking to me, your Guardian Angel. This isn’t something everyone can do Deirdre, but because of silence, you can.”

I nodded, understanding what he was saying.

“Now, I want you to close your eyes, and then make your decision.”

I closed my eyes, and listened. I asked God what I should do, and got no answer. When I was about to give up hope, I felt someone take me in their arms. It comforted me, and even though I didn’t know who was embracing me, I was happy.

I opened my eyes, and my Angle was gone, and there was only left where he was sitting.

‘If you ever need me again, remember to just surround yourself with silence, and think of the happiness you can feel without noise.’ it read.

I looked up, and made my decision:

“I choose life,”

 

Copyright © 2016 guasoni.net